O hai, hoomans! Haveyou ever taken your feline masters to the pet spa? My Meowmy took me to one for a day of pampering, and it was a day I will never forget.

We went to Petropolitan Manila, a haven for spoiled animals like me! I was surprised to find out that it was located in one of the small, inconspicuous streets of Mandaluyong—who would have known there would be yummy cat food and pet spa services waiting for me there?

PAMPERED LIKE A BEAUTY QUEEN

I was really scared when we arrived. I could smell cats and dogs everywhere! But when I smelled the cat food—and believe you me, there was plenty—I immediately ventured out of my carrier, hihi!

I noticed Meowmy talking to three other hoomans; they owned the place, from the looks of it. One of them, Leslie Chan, bore the suspicious smell of another cat!

That was because they just adopted a cat, explained her hubby, Ryan Chan. He, on the other hand, had the scent of dogs—they had eight all in all and it was their first time to be enslaved by a cat! They rescued Pedrow, a three-week-old black cat, after they found him motionless at their doorstep.

Dan Angeles, the other hooman, pointed to a room at the back of the store. That was where the hooman attendants put me on a grooming table. They held my paw in their hands as if I was a Miss Meowniverse cand idate being ushered to the stage.

I then felt something cold touch my paw—it looked like Meowmy’s scissors, but smaller—and they started trimming the sharp ends of my razor-sharp claws! Don’t worry; it didn’t hurt at all. I loved how they were so careful with how they handled me.

Then, they cleaned my ears. I didn’t particularly like anyone poking in my ears—who does?—but because they were so gentle, I didn’t mind it at all.

However, the day was long from over. In fact, what happened next made me hate Meowmy a little bit.

ULTIMATE BETRAYAL, A.K.A THE BATH

They took me to the sink and started tinkering with the heater. I knew what was coming next: a bath!!!

I absolutely abhor baths! Why did they even need to bathe me? I smelled fantastic! Besides, I could dry-clean my own fur, thanks to my sandpaper tongue and saliva.

It was a good thing the water wasn’t cold. I would have given them a scratch or two to remember me by!

They soaped and shampooed me until I met their silly hooman standards for cleanliness. They kept the water from streaming down my face so that I wouldn’t inhale the water. I screamed and tried my best to get out of the sink anyway! Despite my nonstop struggle for freedom, they stayed calm and held me in place without hurting me.

It amazes me to this day how they did it.

After rinsing off the shampoo, they toweled me down so I wouldn’t drip all over the place. I sure was happy the bath was over!

It was then that I realized one thing: Meowmy betrayed me! Why would she subject me to a bath although she knew I hated water? I signed up for a day at the spa, not a day of wet torture!

I was thinking of biting those hoomans, but I was a beauty queen… and beauty queens don’t bite. (I gave Meowmy the stink-eye, however. She deserved it.)

I have to admit, I felt refreshed after the whole ordeal.

Just when I thought the torture was over, I was shocked when they brought out a noisy little monster of a gadget that spewed out warm air. When they brought it near my fur, I clawed furiously at it!

They realized they couldn’t dry my fur using the blower, so they put me in a machine called the pet care room. It was a fancy cage meant to dry beauty queens like me without causing too much stress. They adjusted the temperature so that it was warm and cozy inside. Thankfully, the little blowers inside didn’t make as much noise as the one I just tried to murder.

It took about an hour to get me all dry and comfy. Although I spent all that time in the pet care room, I didn’t risk suffocation because it had an oxygen cartridge.

I was grateful when they ushered me back to the grooming table. They brushed my beautiful fur then sprayed me with mild-smelling pet cologne.

Why, I smelled like a princess!

Then again, I always did.

“ACQUIRED TASTE”

I was a little bit embarrassed by the ruckus I caused—I’m sure they had enough of my scandalous screams by the time my spa day was over—but I was also grateful for the wonderful way they treated me! Meowmy, for one, thought they did a great job grooming and pampering me.

Then again, she’s a lecherous traitor. Good thing I wuv her, or I wouldn’t have been able to forgive her!

Finally, the hoomans worshipped me and took pictures of me. I was the center of attention. They couldn’t help it; I looked and smelled so good!

Finally, my day at the spa was over. My verdict? It’s an acquired taste. Not every cat will appreciate the bath, for one, but if I did have to take a bath again (which would be never), I would rather it be done there than elsewhere!

Some of my fellow felines, especially the ones who aren’t as hydrophobic as yours truly, will enjoy the warm bath and grooming. Oh, and that high-tech drying cage sure is a great way to social-climb one’s way up the Instagram ladder!

When we got home, Meomwy gave me an entire can of wet food. What a great way to cap my adventure!

That sums up my day at the pet spa. Thank mew, hoomans of Petropolitan Manila, for making me feel like a pampered, albeit tortured, beauty queen! #HabaNgFur

 

This appeared in Animal Scene magazine’s June 2017 issue.